There are few decisions in life that carry as much emotional weight as moving a loved one into a care home. If you are at this point right now, it is likely that you have already given more of yourself than most people will ever understand.
At Crouched Friars, we understand that feeling. We know that by the time families come through our doors, they have usually been on a long and exhausting journey, and that this next step brings with it a whole tide of feelings.
Why guilt is so common, and so unfair
Almost every family we speak to mentions guilt. It arrives even when the decision has been made for all the right reasons, even when keeping a loved one safe at home is no longer possible and even when everyone involved knows that specialist care is what is needed.
Guilt, in this context, is often just love with nowhere left to go. Acknowledging it is important. Letting it define the decision, however, would be a disservice to everything you have already done.
Living with loss before loss
Dementia asks families to grieve in an unusual way. The person you love is here, and yet things have changed, sometimes gradually and sometimes suddenly. Many families describe a sense of mourning that runs quietly alongside everyday life.
A move into care can stir all of that up again. New routines, unfamiliar surroundings and a different shape to your days can make the transition feel like another kind of loss. That feeling is valid, and it tends to ease with time.
On feeling relieved
Some families feel a quiet sense of relief once their loved one is settled into care, and then wonder whether that makes them a bad person. It does not. It makes them human.
Caring for someone with dementia at home is relentless. Relief, when it comes, is simply the body and mind recognising that the pressure has eased. At Crouched Friars, we want you to be able to breathe again and to enjoy the time you spend with your loved one rather than spending every visit exhausted.
The adjustment period
It is worth knowing that settling in rarely happens overnight. Your loved one may need time to become familiar with our team and our spaces. You may find the first visits emotionally complicated, leaving with more questions than answers.
Our team at Crouched Friars will keep you informed and involved throughout. We do not see the settling-in period as something that happens to your loved one in isolation. It is something we navigate together, with you.
Your relationship with them does not end here
Choosing Crouched Friars is not a goodbye. Your knowledge of who your loved one is, what brings them comfort and what makes them smile is something no care team can replicate. We actively want that from you.
Come as often as you can. Share stories. Bring familiar things. Stay involved. The care we provide is better for it, and so is your loved one’s experience of being here.
If you have questions, worries or simply need to talk something through, please do not hesitate to reach out to us. We are here for all of it.